My Friend, Dwight L. Carter, posted something on Facebook two
nights ago. It prompted me to blog about the questions he asked. Like a lot of
people, I have much to say but didn’t know how to say it in a thought-provoking
way. I’ll draw on my life experiences that Dwight fueled.
First, I revere Dwight in many roles that his life brings
him.
This is Dwight’s Facebook post in its entirety:
Recent events repeat the same narrative, illicit the
same response, and then we settle back into our normal routines. This, though,
feels different, but time will tell.
It’s going to take way too long for our
institutional systems to change because of the entrenched bias and racism
cemented in the foundation, so we have to start with self and influence our
circles.
I thought long and hard about the questions below.
The purpose of the questions is to spark reflection and then individual action.
To my white friends, I share these with love,
respect, and care; not with judgement, commendation, malice, or ill-will.
1. How often and have ever had a black or non-white
person in your home as a guest or overnight guest?
2. If all else is equal, would you move into a
neighborhood/community where you are the racial/ethnic minority?
3. How comfortable would you be if your child dated
and/or married a black or non-white person?
4. When in your life have you been the racial/ethnic
minority for longer than a month?
5. When’s the last time you’ve read a book written
by a black or non-white author?
6. Examine your personal library: does it include
voices from others who don’t look like you?
7. Are you fearful of losing favor with friends and
family if you took an anti-racist stance?
This is my response on Facebook to his post:
Great
reflections, Dwight. There’s a lot to dig into. Always thinking. I can’t
pretend to ever know what it’s like to be in someone else’s skin & no one
else can either. Everyone does, however, know what basic human rights are. I
have been blessed with some life experiences that have given me hope. One
person told me in order to change the world you have to change yourself first. (That
person was Anne Frank’s childhood friend, Hannah Goslar-Pick.) Too much to
write here. I’m blogging it right now.
Expanded version: Kids aren’t born with prejudice, narrow
minds, or unhappy outlooks. We aren’t born with ill intent. Our character
development immediately starts when we enter the world and does not stop until
we leave. Murder, racism, and civil
rights violations are never OK.
I grew up in a small, diverse town in southern New Jersey
called Bridgeton. When I was six, seven, and eight years old, we lived in a
low-rise project development. We were one of two white families in the Birch
Street projects.
We used to watch my dad walk across the property and hitch
hike ten miles to work each day. He worked in an auto parts store that was
attached to the biggest department store in our area. My mom worked in a print
factory that was within walking distance of our house.
Through grades one to eight, I attended parochial school. My
school uniform consisted of a white shirt, blue pants, a blue tie, and black
shoes. It was unvarying just like 25
Birch Street where we lived. The standardization allowed me some normalcy not
low socioeconomic status of the projects.
These experiences from my early childhood, contributed to
some of my common sense approaches to leadership choices later on in life. Work
ethic, kindness, inspiration, passion, respect, integrity, strength, acceptance,
gratitude, fun, and perseverance are some traits I look to today. I was raised
to treat everyone as if they were important because they are important.
Growing up in the 1960s and 1970s had many advantages for me
in the town where we lived. I walked anywhere I needed to go including the
park, lakes, and basketball courts. One thing I missed was the conversation
with adults about what was going on around me. I wish the conversation started
then.
My earliest memory of a tragedy was the assassination of our
President, John F. Kennedy. I was five years old. I remember sitting at my grand
mom’s watching the funeral and my aunt telling my sisters and me to keep it
down. I did not fully understand the nature of the event but I knew it was
upsetting to everyone. It felt like a member of our family died.
Over the next five years Malcolm X, Bobby Kennedy, and Martin
Luther King, Jr. were assassinated. I cannot say I remember much about the
Malcolm X murder but I vividly remember the later two in 1968. I was ten years
old.
In the 1960s, The Civil Rights movement was literally
exploding with peaceful demonstrations as well as riots across our country. Minorities
were treated with promises unfulfilled. It doesn’t feel that much has changed
in that respect. Here we are in June, 2020 and it does not feel like we made
much progress in fifty years.
I want to make it clear. I do not know how it feels to live
in someone else’s skin. My friends have
always included all nationalities. That does not make me an expert in living
another person’s life but it has intrinsically motived me to keep moving in a
positive direction. I cannot dispute that being a white male has offered me
some advantages in many situations but hard work and commitment contributed as
well.
My friend Dwight is “spot on” when he says that bias,
racism, and barriers are built into a system that does not offer the same
opportunity to people of color as it does to white people. In order to change that
trajectory, we need to start the change with ourselves.
Over the years as an educator and a parent, I, I’ve met with
our Congressman and police chiefs. I will continue to exercise my rights and
walk the talk. Everyone needs to continue their mission. I always encourage my
students to step outside their comfort zone. That will be a topic for another
post. Today, we are dealing with human rights, leadership issue, character, and
love.
Violations of civil rights and racism are never acceptable. The
only race we are running is the human race, and we can only win that together.
I hope it is different this time but history has told us it
won’t be unless the conversation is built into your everyday life. After 9/11,
everything changed. Mainly, we were nicer to one another but that eventually
faded. We just can’t allow it to happen as we move forward. Start the conversation.
Keep the conversations going. Most importantly, keep this conversation going
with your kids at home and your kids at school.
It can change. It has to change. I will continue to bring
the heretics, outliers, and disruptors to the leadership table.
Thank you for the opportunity to reflect upon where we are
to determine where we need to go. Those questions that Dwight offered should be
a topic of conversation for a very long time. Keep your voice and allow your
children and students to maintain their opinion. Keep adding to the questions.
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