Communication and Leadership

Communication – Listening

Treat everyone as if they are special because they are. Wow! This one can make or break any relationship. Unconditional communication- it’s called listening. What are you passionate about?

“It comes down to trying to make people happy, less lonely, but also being a conduit for a dialogue about the events of the day, the issues that impact people’s lives, personal and social and political and religious. That’s how I always saw the job of our band. That was my service.”

-Bruce Springsteen.

Bruce summed up how I feel about leadership but first you have to make yourself happy. That’s what we can all bring to the rest of the world once we are on board the leader-ship. Once you start sailing, it’s a constant ride to improve yourself and the people around you. Ask most people why they aren’t successful and they will blame everyone but themselves.

Self-Communication

Communicate with yourself. It’s a new term we coined called “self-communication.” When you say it out loud, it sounds kind of silly but you really need to tell yourself what you are capable of accomplishing. No matter what your barriers, you need to tell yourself over and over that you are capable of some remarkable feats.  Don’t ever sell yourself short. If you don’t think you can then you can’t.

“Expect a lot from yourself or no one else will.” From 50 Great Things Leaders Do: Let’s Get Fired Up! High expectations are catchy. You must first communicate this to yourself before you can pass on the theory to other people in your organization. Your self-communication becomes part of your daily communication to the people around you. 

"There is a remarkable difference between a commitment of 99% and 100%." -Vic Conant

One example that keeps creeping up in my life (and maybe yours) is the “C” word. It seems like there are more people you know that have been touched by cancer than not. I’ll share a personal story about my wife although it would be easy to share several other stories of people that I know because this disease is so commonplace. 

When you put your mind to it, your positive thoughts can allow your body to overcome many barriers. These accomplishments may take hard work and commitment but it all starts with a positive mind set and confidence in yourself. So again, it all starts with YOU. You must self-communicate a positive message to yourself before you expect to communicate an optimistic future to anyone else. 

Let’s get back to my wife. A few years before my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer her sister died of cancer. As could be expected, my wife was devastated. Now, she had her own battle to prepare for and fight. Make no mistake, my wife is a warrior. She is also the type of person that will scream bloody murder if she sees a spider in the house and call a neighbor to come remove it if I’m not home.

Her first reaction to the news of her cancer was met with total depression. Obviously, all of her friends and family kept pumping her up with positive communication. She didn’t bond to her own inner strength until she had a chance meeting with her hairdresser. That lady connected her to a book by Ernest Holmes about the power of positive thinking that reinforced what she already knew she could accomplish. She made a commitment to positivity, and self-communicated that message constantly. 

Ernest Holmes was the author of The Science of Mind and many other metaphysical books. I don’t think she believed in everything that Holmes conveyed during his realm of his spiritual influence but his books echo a familiar theme that can be found in other books like Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. This book also resonates the positive power of self-communication. 

Part of my wife's proactive approach to attacking this disease was to balance all aspects of her life. It was an opportunity to self-communicate that her life was calling. How was she going to answer? She answered by becoming a healthier person in general. She knew it was necessary to make social, emotional, physical, and mental aspects achieve the equal levels of health. So that’s what she did.

Her surgeries were met with new meaning. I would like to say they went smoothly but there were obstacles. Every setback was assembled with some type of success in her mind. The next year was greeted with a new outlook. She fed her appetite with positive thoughts throughout every aspect of her life. Although fatigued during many occasions, she rarely took a day off from her job as an educator. My wife, Kim, was an example for everyone but most importantly for herself as she proceeds in life. 

She anxiously crossed the days off the calendar as she advanced through her chemotherapy and radiation treatments. My wife, daughters, and I wrote a list on the wall of our closet in permanent marker of things we wanted to do when her treatments were complete. As she lost her hair, she wore her different wigs with fashionable honor. Except for her inner circles, most people did not know she was going through treatment. Most importantly, she communicated a positive vibe to herself and the people around her. 

I have met people that have approached the “C” word as my wife did, and I’ve met people who have condemned themselves to failure with negligible barriers. These people play the blame game instead of taking control. They never reach their potential because there is no commitment. Your life is special. What are you going to do with it? You must first self-communicate before you can communicate with anyone else. Self-communication creates confidence and power. 

Self-communication is a vital part of goal setting. If you have a long-term goal, self-communication must be a continual part of your plan to achieve your goal. Positive self-communication is a component of self-worth. Instead of I can’t, I can’t, I can’t  make it: “I can, I can, I can. This will turn into we can, we can, we can.” 

If you are a parent or a teacher, think back to the time when one of your kids just wouldn’t stop talking. You may have been frustrated to a point where you told them to shut up. I try to cherish the times now when my kids won’t keep quiet. They just want someone to listen.

If you are a teacher, the most valuable gift you get this year may be sitting in the front (or back) row of your classroom. You can be that one person to connect and inspire that one kid that no one else can get. And I guarantee this; students will always remember how you made them feel. I can remember every teenager in my eighth grade class and how every kid made me and every other person feel. And so can you.

Communication happens in your life all day, all the time, and it comes in many forms both verbal and non-verbal. You need to continually fine-tune the communication process, especially listening. What message are you sending your family, friends, and colleagues?

Technology and Communication

The possibility that technology brings to communication absolutely thrills me and scares me at the same time. I have the privilege of working in a middle school and the privilege of two beautiful, wonderful daughters. Communication happens so fast, and it goes viral quickly which makes it both advantageous and a threat at home and at work. The main component is to instill positive character traits wherever you work and play.

Peace.