Everyone You Meet Should Be Important

Everyone You Meet Should Be Important

We’ve done quite a few Leadership Exchanges (LE) over the last decade. To sum it up quickly, a Leadership Exchange invites another school to our school for leadership training. We include organization, communication, team building, and service. A few months later, we visit their school and reciprocate the process.

In this particular LE, we were in the reciprocation phase and headed to Vineland, New Jersey and the Landis Intermediate School. The population of the city is just as diversified as the geography. Geographically, Vineland is the largest city in New Jersey comprised of urban zones as well as farming zones. We were looking forward to the diversity of our interactions as well as the leadership opportunities.

My day in Vineland started with a visit to eighty-five year old Madeline. She is the mother of an exemplary secretary that works in our school. Although this was our first meeting, every year she bakes my favorite holiday cookies, pizzelles and ricotta. The treats remind me of my grand mom. It’s amazing that someone I never met always makes me feel important and loved.

Along with some colleagues, I arrived at her house around 8 AM. She greeted me with the same enthusiasm and warmth that I expected. She showed me the oven that bakes the cookies as she bragged about her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. Her smile never left her face. As we left, I assured her with a warm hug that I would return to take her to lunch on another day. Maddy has the place already picked out.

The LE was held at a storied school that has been designated a national landmark. When you enter the building, your eyes quickly pan the historic structure. It looks like a movie set. All of the former principals have portraits neatly hung outside of the auditorium. The hallways are majestically extended on three floors.

This was my second LE in as many years at this school. When I entered the auditorium, I could not help but appreciate the wooden seats with wrought iron trim and the balcony seating gazing down at us. The busts of past Presidents were as historical as the Presidents themselves. The ornate trim of the plaster surrounded the room in a regal pattern.

My father attended this school from 1945 to 1949, when it was the high school, but he never graduated. He always used to tell us a story about him dropping out to join the Air Force. He said he later wrote a letter to his former principal apologizing for not finishing high school and regretting the decision although he never regretted serving his country. His principal, Mrs. Rossi, posted the letter on a bulletin board in front of the main office. My dad said his friends that were still in school at the time always kidded him about writing the letter.

I told my dad that when I returned to the school I would call him to meet me there. That is what I did. I tried to send him pictures last time but his flip phone does not receive them. He arrived about twenty minutes later.

The present principal, Mrs. J., and I gave him a quick tour but he did not need us. He remembered where everything was. His focus was on the auditorium because he did not remember it changing much. He remembers the high ceilings and the dark, hardwood floors. He told us he spent most of his time there for either study hall or detention. I introduced my father to as many students as possible because I wanted them to have a visual of the eighty-two year old man. He was not there for long but it was rewarding to connect with him in that building. He just put on his jacket, zipped it up and said, “I’ll see you, son.”

After he left, I told a story to the students I often share. When I was in first and second grade, we lived in a low income, project development. There was a courtyard in back of our apartment. Every morning, I watched my father walk across the courtyard. He walked to the highway so he could hitchhike ten miles to work. For no reason that could be confirmed, I worried that he wouldn’t come back. He always did, sometimes later than earlier.

My parents’ hard work attributed to my high level of work ethic. No matter the job, I always worked hard, and I will continue to work hard. Whatever my level of success, no one can ever take that from me. Work hard, be successful, have fun!

I asked the students if anyone wanted share a story about someone that made a difference in their lives. Several students volunteered. One student described his cousin. He said that his cousin helped take care of him after their mom abandoned them. That same boy admired my sneakers. I wore my shiny gold and black shoes by Supra®. They are very stylish.  

The LE itself was rewarding as the groups of students from dissimilar backgrounds interacted in true positive character.  We danced, we ate, we laughed, we cried, we built character and leadership. The students remembered each other from our earlier Leadership Exchange, and it was delightful to see the students relate.

Later, I walked down the hallway and noticed snowflakes on a classroom door with goals written on them. I knocked on the door, introduced myself, and asked about the snowflakes. I was impressed because the class was reading The Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. The teacher, Mrs. S., told me the snowflakes represented New Year’s resolutions which are about as close to goals as you can get. I asked a few questions to her students. One student raised his hand to tell me about his goals. His first goal was to see his father more. I did not ask him to elaborate but I could tell in his wavering voice he missed his dad.

A female student raised her hand to tell me her resolutions. Her first was to lose weight. She looked away embarrassed to articulate the resolution. Her second was to reconnect with her mom. I was empathetic but not surprised that the students relayed they had single parent families. This is definitely something the department of education does not factor in their decisions concerning over testing and under teaching.

Most adults have never had leadership training. In our school, we are committed to allow teachers and students to have opportunities to grow as leaders. When we create more leaders, everyone’s ability increases exponentially. Leadership development is self-development. Self-development creates whole students not just good test takers.

The state department of education requires us to be very good at “compliance” and we are very compliant in over testing, over evaluation, over sensationalized coverage, and bureaucracy. I am very disappointed that people in general do not put a high level of importance on climate and culture. Climate and culture have a profound impact on student and teacher performance.

Some people consider climate and culture the same concept. To me, climate means morale or attitude of an organization. Culture is a set of expectations that have been developed over a period of time. For instance, we expect every teacher and student in our school to have positive character and to accept their role as a leader. If I had to choose one word about expectations, it would be LEADERSHIP.

When meeting someone for the first time, most polite people use the phrase, “Nice to meet you.” I never really understood if it was nice to meet that person or not until I had a conversation with them. Usually, in the first few minutes I can tell if a person is genuine or not.

Be excited the next time you meet someone. Every person I met that day was important. I hope they thought I was, too…. Oh yes, I gave the Vineland student my shoes before I left. I bet he has them on right now!